Becoming Visible
Personal recap of my time away from writing and how life has taken off.
It’s been so long since my last post. I jumped several timelines to get to where I am now. In two months, I’ve become a version of myself that I almost didn’t recognize. I am exactly who I’ve wanted to be when I decided to make the most out of being free. People see me now. My sense of being is activated, and I don’t intend to shut it down. I spent most of my twenties walking around with a flickering light. Baby, I turned in my halogens for LEDs, and now you can’t dim me. I connected with who I’ve always needed, and you can’t break us apart.
Let’s go back to the beginning of the year. My goals for 2025 embodied who I wanted to be by the end of the year. The more I live in my truth and do what I desire, the easier it is. I said I wanted to travel, and I meant it. Looking at my vision board, it’s incredible to see how many images I’ve recreated with my own experiences. Trust that when I put my mind towards where I want to be, I will get there.
I took a solo trip to Aruba for my 27th birthday, and it was everything I needed. It was a five-star hotel that emulated luxury. I spent every morning in the soaking tub on an ocean-facing balcony. That was the most serene trip I’ve experienced, and I will have more before the year ends. I felt so safe, complimented, and seen. I had a great time (even though the ocean tried to take me), and the experience changed my views on traveling. I always advocate for women to be bold and live fearlessly. If you haven’t already, please book a solo trip to enjoy your own company. It’s life-changing knowing that you can do whatever you want on vacation without needing other people around.
When I returned, I saw a shift in how people viewed me. The spotlight hasn’t left me. People see me. Hell, even the office flirtations started to ramp up (don’t worry, I know the rules. NEVER date a coworker). The people see me, and they want me. An older gentleman made room for me and a friend at a bar where we were the only two Black women. He loudly said, “I can’t stand these white broads” after buying us a drink. I won’t lie, the increase in seeing people’s desires towards me has awakened a new lifestyle change. I talk consistently about wanting to be worshipped, and damn I like it when it plays out in reality. I’m becoming the goddess I’ve always known myself to be.
The second trip to the Dominican Republic proved to me that I am exactly who I think I am. It was worship play for most of my trip. I felt unstoppable and empowered to be sexy. I wore a dress with my ass-crack out, I danced nonstop, and had fun looking good. I was taken care of that entire time. Not once did the attention leave me. I was boldly asked by this guy in Spanish if I liked getting my ass ate, then he asked if he could do it all before noon. I said no, but my ego was tickled. I like vulgarity coming from the right individuals. At least I can admit this now, considering I do write erotica.
Speaking of worship, I have some plans to step into that community. I’m not sure when, but trust and believe that FinDom Bea Connors is coming. I think tapping into that side of me is becoming easier. Seeing how people are waiting for me to say jump, it makes me anxious. It’s a lot of power in being a bad bitch, and I know I’ll switch into a new reality. I talk about having at least six boyfriends who will finance my life, so it’s time to put my energy where my mouth is. I look too good to have to keep paying for things. I’ve gone on a few dates recently and damn it feels good not using my card! I know it’ll feel like sex when I become the authorized user on someone’s AMEX. Anyways, we’ll get to this one another day, I have a piece in mind for this.
Allure is seeping from my pores, and I love it. Old me would’ve been uncomfortable with the attention. Now that I’m visible, nothing is stopping me. Especially when I go outside intending to be seen. I went to a costume party where I was constantly approached. I had to cut up a bit to redefine some boundaries, but it’s what happens once you turn the light on. I’ve grown to know what’s worth my time and what isn’t. Imagine seeing yourself as a goddess, just for a boy to offer you Hennessy shots (I HATE Hennessy by the way) to be in his section at a club where it’s barely 25% occupancy. Moths like light, too. I’m more secure in my shine to know who gets to be in my presence.
Even with some of the nonsense, I’m living. That’s something I’ve wanted for so long and never knew how to achieve, until now. It’s incredible knowing I’m exactly where I’ve dreamed of. All it took was to shake up my life by choosing experiences. I have no plans on stopping, but I will make smarter choices regarding my sleep schedule. I love some rest, and I will be recharging my battery to prepare for the summer. Being fine, single, and secure is a hallmark of a great time. I hope I can share a video of myself shaking ass on a yacht for my next life update.
All in all, I hope my spring shenanigans inspire you to get out of the house. Please take that solo trip, go out with friends, or buy that outfit showing off your skin. I know the times are interesting, but the moment you stop living is the moment the oppressors win. We should enjoy ourselves no matter what’s going on. Don’t let your fears keep you from experiencing. That’s why we are here: to live.
This is sooo beautiful!!!
I loved reading this. It made me giggle and so happy to read that you are stepping into your power here.