Love’s Ode to Black Women

This is for Black women, we have loved beyond capacity and are ready to receive.

It’s time to liberate ourselves from the construct of unconditional love. We were taught to love someone more than ourselves, and that is the root of our suffering as Black women. Giving our all and receiving nothing in return. They expect us to smile after tears from disappointment. Unconditional is unworthy. Never compare your relationship to the struggle of love depicted in media that’s pushed on us. We are ending this toxic relationship of relentless compromise. There’s no space for excessive understanding. We are walking away from harmful dysfunction.

Love requires healthy boundaries, and we must put our foot down. Saying no is giving love to ourselves. When people call you selfish, stingy, or difficult, know that you are standing up for yourself. You are loving you. This is a necessity, not an option. Especially for us. Humility is not for Black women, we cannot lower ourselves. Society tries to place us at the bottom already. Why would you put yourself last in a relationship? We are more than enough to be first. Raise your head and be proud to acknowledge that.

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Unrequited sacrifice shouldn’t be the norm. Pouring into an endless cup will drain you. Do you feel gratification from being the most supportive to an unresponsive partner? Our cups should never empty. The sickness we endure from overgiving will kill us if we don’t stop. We are the multipliers of energy.

When we are thriving, we bring in abundance. It’s time to be with partners who give with ease. You’ve done it long enough, rest and receive instead. Never love anyone more than yourself, and never give what you do not have. We are not an endless supply.

Loyalty and longevity do not mean you are being fulfilled. It’s not okay to stay stagnant and unhappy. You only betray yourself when you sit in the same place, wondering what another spot would look like. Go where you want. We are free. Our maternal lineage fought for our right to leave.

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Tomorrow is not promised, but if you walk away today then you have the evening to do what you please. Time is not an accurate measure of a good relationship. Listen to the women who waited until their husbands died to live. Why live later, when you can leave now?

Wanting love does not make you weak. It’s a part of our basic desires as a human, no matter if it’s platonic, familial or romantic love. We face so much criticism through old ideals. It’s okay if you’re not married yet. It’s okay if you have children now, later, or never. Shake off the hatred and judgment from people’s expectations. You will live the life you want forever. You will be open to love that is for you, and where you want to be. Even if you change your mind, love will be available to you.

Do not beat yourself up for how you’ve loved in the past. Congratulate yourself on how you will love in the present and future. We received terrible blueprints on how to be in a romantic relationship, so throw it out. We will redefine how we receive love, and how we will love. It’s time to put ourselves first. Love has bounds, and you’re the one drawing the lines in the sand. You are in control now.

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We are here to experience life in all its glory. Do not look back. We are realigning ourselves. Take a step forward to welcome in strength, confidence, and kindness. Feel empowered to leave what’s hurting you. Boundaries are sexy, and so is putting yourself first. We are here to live. Challenge your old beliefs. Love will be gentle, sweet, and giving. When your light shines bright, you will see through the darkness and undeserving. You will focus on who celebrates you, dancing and praising the warmth you provide.

It’s okay, you are supported and loved. Open your heart again, and move with intention. Our birthright is what we make it. It’s time to have beautiful love created from loving ourselves.

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