Doing Things You Hate (Men)
If you hate it, why are you doing it? Let's unpack this and why this trendy mindset is impacting you negatively.
I hate mayonnaise. When it comes to me and hatred, there is never a road of compromise to cross. I stand ten toes down on it. If a restaurant puts mayo on my sandwich after I told them I don’t want it, I’m sending it back. I’m not trying foods that have incorporated mayo in some ‘unique way’. I will make you aware of my hatred and not engage with it. For me, it’s that simple. I know that for others, there are conditional circumstances where they might dislike mayo in a potato salad, but will eat it on a sandwich. Fair, I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum. This is easy to understand when it comes to food, because nobody is making you eat anything you don’t want to as an adult. Why is this much more difficult when it comes to sexuality (exclusively those who have sex with men)? People aren’t food, so of course the idea of hating someone and continuing to be with/sleep with them isn’t as simple. If you truly hate men like you say you do, why do you still want to engage with them?
Before you answer that introspection, take this poll. I’m curious to see where everyone is at.
Now that you’ve answered the poll, let’s get back to business.
Is this a situational thing you have going on where you need to hate men vocally and socially to establish your footing in anti-patriarchy but you still prefer penis sexually? Again, not here to yuck a yum, but we do need to get serious with intentions now that the state of the world is in constant disarray. Why are you saying this, and what improvements to life has it brought you? Everyone is capable of causing harm, not just men. Bees can be harmful, but that’s not stopping me from going outside. Hell, I could be harmed from cross-contamination at a restaurant, but that doesn’t prevent me from dining out of my home. Discernment is key to keeping you from being a shut-in- a contradictory one at that. There is no true point to saying you hate men if you still plan on sleeping with them. If anything, it’s causing agitation and fear-mongering.
There’s a tenseness I’ve witnessed from women who actively say they hate men and still try to engage with them. Some is fear-based, and some is genuine aggravation caused by past trauma from unrelated men. I’m sorry for the vulgarity, but hating men is not going to get you dicked down or flowers at the bedside table unless that man in question is a masochist or misandrist. I wouldn’t want a man trying to touch on me, and they tweet about hating women. Yes, I know that’s not a truly fair comparison, but bear with me. That tightness in your shoulders and chest when you go out is hurting you in more ways than one. You do need to release that if you plan on being with men. I’m sorry for all the pain that has been caused in your life by the menfolk who did you harm, but that man on the bench at the bus stop you’re about to walk past hasn’t done anything to you. I need you to release that pain and trauma. Unclench that jaw so you can enjoy the life that’s left while society undoes itself. It’s not an overnight process, but I promise you’ll feel better the more you work on it.
I know it’s trendy online for the girlies to express their hatred of men after a bad relationship. Release the pain, but also know that you might be blocking somebody with that. I’ve had decent experiences with men recently, and I believe it’s because I don’t go out into the world with my fist tightened and ready to fight the first man I see (verbally or physically). Especially being a single woman, all they want to do is cater to me in the ways they can. It feels glorious, and you are missing out on some genuine interactions because of your proclamations. Not every interaction has been perfect, but I’m having a good time for the majority. I’ve had ease open up to me in ways that wouldn’t be possible. I also hate to say it, but this online trend of hating men while still wanting them sexually/romantically is very femcel behavior. We cannot have people turning into horned-out, hate-fueled individuals. We see how that’s gone with the men, and it’s still an ongoing battle to undo it.
Now, I completely get that this sounds crazy coming from me. It’s a method to my madness, though. I want you to feel free from all burdens, and this includes men. Having these internal issues will block you in life, and we don’t need any more complications. Engaging with this rhetoric of hating men is blocking you. Why would you want to be loved by something you hate? Why should they love you if you hate them? I hope you see where I’m getting at. Now you don’t have to love everybody or even like them, but recognize that exclaiming hatred for people doesn’t allow much love into your life. Opening yourself up to this mindset doesn’t automatically mean that your Prince Charming is running out of the woods to save you either. Stress about being in public places with men will go down. You should also be able to raise your discernment about which men you can give the cold shoulder to versus which one you could have a plesant conversation with. It might be hard to believe at times, but they have feelings and want to be loved.
Again, I’m here for the liberation of women. Let’s stop putting ourselves in towers with limiting beliefs/contradicting mindsets. We should be able to live to our fullest expression of self. You are giving away your power by directing it to hate, especially when that hatred paralyzes you. Let go and start living. You can still be a dismantler of the patriarchy by releasing your disdain with men. Hating them only places them in a different avenue of centralization anyway. Being consumed in the idea of them, whether it’s love(pick-me) or hate(misandrist), will not serve you well. They are two sides of the same coin. Whether it’s detachment or accepting them as people with feelings(I promise they are), you need to find your balance of how you value men.
I hope you can recognize where your hatred(also fear) of men has limited you in the past and even the present. These ideas and phrases we say impact our lives. I find it hard to believe that you want a man to romance you while you continue saying you hate them. I also think the Universe can’t identify your truth either; manifestation people, I’m talking to you. Now, if you still hate men after all this, I hope you stop doing them for your sanity. I hate mayonnaise and nobody can convince me that it’s good, but I don’t eat it, regardless of how it’s served.
Thank you for reading! I truly appreciate everyone who takes the time to engage with my work. If you would like to show support, send me a gift
Well written and great points. I'm glad you're enjoying your experiences. I had some abusive experiences with men and worked hard to get over that trauma and it worked out well for me.
A lot of what I see in the world nowadays is a lot of trauma and a lot of false victim hood and getting on a bandwagon. People don't realize how much they're creating the circumstances they claim to hate. Good on you for breaking it down.
Discernment makes all the difference! I absolutely have the best experiences with men (romantically and platonically) because I respect them, LOVE them and handle them the way I wish to be handled.